Pretty On The Outside

As much as I love this song, I always hear it with a little sting. It reminds me that there are people who left my life feeling this way about me. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I’m sure there are people I’ve hurt in the past; what kills me is that I would apologize if given the chance. Well. . .  apologize, or state my reasons if I feel justified in whatever I did. I’m fair and objective, I’m not a doormat.

The point is that unfinished business makes me feel hesitant about doing things that are “pretty”. Wearing crazy makeup, putting on high heels for a night out, taking pics in a bikini, even at the pool with my family. I once took three days to post pics with one of my favourite bands on Instagram because my tummy was (barely) visible.

I’m about to do a little mini photoshoot with one of my best friends in the whole world to promote my business. I’m getting so excited about seeing her (she lives far away), playing dress up, and playing with makeup like we used to when we were 19! But in the back of my mind I’m thinking: you 2-dimensional bitch, don’t you have anything better to do with your life? *sigh*

In my head I know it’s just the depression demons talking. I know that when two people part ways on less than great terms, it’s easier to paint the other guy (gal?) as the bad guy. . ..  and I know have no choice but to let them. BUT that doesn’t mean I have to let them get into my head and make me feel badly, or shallow, or make me feel ANYTHING else!

I’m going to take ridiculous pics with my best gal and I’m gonna wear crazy ass makeup and heels whenever I want. That shit doesn’t define me and neither do salty ex-friends.

This song is still fire though \m/

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